my Life Labyrinth

2010-05-23T16:19:00.002+07:00

How long was it since the blog is abandoned? It's more than half a year already. Very sayang, but shifted for good. As this is my very first proper blog i can't actually find any tiny piece of gut to delete it, so the best way is to leave it there as memory.

Looking back, i can see only the shadow of a girl learning from experiences and growing up. Well few years later when i look back at myself now, i'll say the same thing, probably the same phrase, cause it is a fact. We never stop tripping and falling don't we? But the next day we'll just have to get our asses up and start walking again. That is life.

Move on.

2009-11-26T00:56:00.000+07:00

thumbs up for Adam Lambert's Time for Miracles!

change u change me

2009-11-22T22:51:00.004+07:00

man in the mirror(nice song beautiful lyrics)

Everyone has flaws. Look into urself before looking at the others.
Judge urself before judging the others. Change urself before changing the others.

P.S:
For judgemental people out there, stop being one.
I was one too, and tend to think negatively about things that happened, about people. Until one point, i found it very wrong: It is impossible to read another's thinking. And if it's based on guessing, how true will it be? Also, whatever people do, it's not up to us to judge, rite? Judgemental leads to countless misunderstanding.
So i stopped being one, months ago, and feel good about it.
Everyone has their own life to manage, why bother the others?
And, always think to the bright side, peoples' good intentions, no matter what they do.
Yes, that is the way how it should be.

2009-11-22T17:56:00.000+07:00

用心
来听
这一首歌

好久不见

失落沙洲

2009-11-21T07:54:00.000+07:00

超爱这首歌

love this song

2009-11-11T22:05:00.001+07:00

張惠妹-原來你什麼都不要

2009-11-10T01:59:00.002+07:00

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

"Ten Things I Hate About You"

Little Red Riding Hood

2009-10-28T13:46:00.006+07:00

It was the wolf who's in the bed, not grandma. Poor naive Little Red Ridding Hood got eaten up just like that.

We never know what's really inside a person, a grandma or a wolf. I assumed that u are grandma, i have no second thought about trusting u, but it appeared that i'm wrong, AGAIN. Ahh i m so sick of this. Izit that the soap opera has to be continued? Life is too boring that u ppl need something to spice up eh?

Thank you for the smiles and good acts in front of me, i appreciate it very much. Seriously very very much, that must have been very hard for u:) and i understand it is hard to sit on the fence n keep quiet too, so u can continue whatever u want to say i don mind, but just makes sure the voices doesn't come to my ears too much. Thank you for the willingness to cooperate, i mean it:) But sometimes it's better that u don disturb people who stays out of your way, just a suggestion anyway, after all it's up to u:)

I told Lai i'm good in swallowing bullets, even for nothing, he agreed. He said this drama so sien, just let them lah whatever they want, i agreed. Let's wait for the day till the drama ends, although i doubt if the day will ever arrive, haha:p

random saying

2009-10-26T20:42:00.004+07:00

Yes, i promise u that i'll take good care of myself, i'll make this a full-stop for everything. Good luck in your life.

I wonder if this is a season of love, as almost everyday my facebook is flooded with the news of xxx is in a relationship with xxx. First of all congrats peeps for successfully finding ur SO, and able to be with each other, all the best in the relationship ya!

I screwed papers in this mid term exam, i mean seriously screwed, pfft. Tomoro last paper and i have a feeling that i'll screw it up too, lol.

The new attic back at home gonna be purple! Yeay yeay cant wait to c it! Applying in progress to make that my bedroom, mummy said she'll see how:) and she said i can go to Aussie the coming holiday in July *cheers!* i really hope everything goes well by that time*cross fingers*..

Weather is turning cold, less rain compare to the previous weeks but much breezier. My fingers and toes are freezing:(

Waiting anxiously for this weekend to come. So many upcoming programmes! And i'll be going to UNPAD International Event, another yeay!

a very last piece from me to u

2009-10-26T01:52:00.006+07:00

Let go of the past and move forward, that's the best thing u can do for yourself and for me. It has been quite a time, so no point keep looking back, or hold any hope. Stop drinking too much, it's really not good. Study well, eat well, live well, please.

For the last time i'll say: I'm sorry that i broke my promise, i'm sorry that i ruined the plan. A good and kind-hearted person like you deserves a better gal. Don't waste time on me anymore.

It's time to move on. Take care.

我想说

2009-10-25T14:11:00.003+07:00

好羡慕! 多希望他也能这样对我说.

不知道自己是他的第几个, 也不觉得自己是他最爱的一个; 却从来都不敢问. 很多时候是要顾及他的感受, 知道他受过的伤害很深, 所以索性就把自己的感受都搁着了. 我宁愿自己没听过那女孩的故事, 不知道她的存在, 或许那样会让我好受一些.

不能对我像对她这么好, 以免以后再度深深受伤害; 我明白, 但如果我说我不在乎, 那是骗人的. 世界其实就是那么的不公平, 所以我也不想要求什么, 因为不想换来更多失望. 只能感恩, 至少现在拥有你, 至少你还为我做了些什么. 只能说, 没有人是完美的, 爱你就要爱你的全部, 包括你的过去.

不喜欢一个人静静坐着, 因为这个时候很多思绪会涌入头脑, 情绪变化会很大, 找不到出口. 所以昨天把时间填满满, 让自己没有想太多的机会. 把头发剪了, 原因是因为不开心而剪头发的老习惯又回来了. 要自己快乐要让你放心, 所以就找上这些方法, 我别无选择.

祝我们, 一周月快乐.

aging

2009-10-25T09:53:00.002+07:00

It's a month away before i officially turn 21. And when new year knocks the door, i'll be 22. Like Tian said, then it will be 23, 24 and after that, we are old. That's very true. Just cant accept the increasing numbers when inside me it's a gal that never grow. She still believes in fairy tales when the world asked her not to. She still trust people wholeheartedly no matter how many times people betrayed her and hurt her. She still put in hopes even though she has been turned down for a million times. She still believes in miracle although it never happen on her. And this gal inside, she holds me back from following the pace of age, from being too realistic like how the world is.

Birthday is not something i look forward anymore, except realising how much of hardship my mom went through to bring me to this world, and being thankful that i had just lived for another year.

How i wish age is really just a bunch of number.

from posts to thoughts

2009-10-24T22:50:00.004+07:00

Was reading posts on forum, and it happened that 2 out of thousand posts there came across with the stuffs that cling to my head for quite a time. Issue 1: solved after reading all those feedbacks. Yes, it's just a shadow, i'll get rid of it as much and as soon as i can:) Issue 2: Not solved but saw some hopes. Enlightened by those replies with real-life examples. Not really an issue actually but no harm finding a solution for the possibilities that may hit me one day later, rite?

Always prepare for the worst to come. I'm not pessimistic in fact i m optimistic, but the mental preparation thingy seems to be very crucial to me. For every single thing that i involved myself into, i have prepared for the worst outcome. No, i shud say, all outcomes. I noe i will not be able to handle if something bad or heartbreaking really happen one day, and i'm not ready for it. I can imagine that i'll be so frightened, so upset, so helpless and so pathetic (ahh what a scenario). To avoid being tormented, and break down into pieces, i chose to expect all the unexpected so that i can carry on after that (at least most probably will be able to). Just trying to be sober.

But this doesn't mean u are allowed to do something that hurts me or treat me badly as much as u want after reading this self-revealing post:p I'm still a gal with emotions, maybe not as much as typical gals would have but take notes: I have feelings too:) Be nice to me n i'll do the same to you. What comes around goes around *wink*

i heart saturday!

2009-10-24T17:56:00.004+07:00

Yes, i really do:) Went to quite a few places today, did a few stuff that i enjoyed very much. After all the screwing up-papers-moment, this is the best weekend i had. I felt so numb with exams and marks, at last i got my life back. Whatever the result is later, i don't care anymore, cant change the past can i?

Munching chocolatos (don't tell me it's fattening, it's the best junk i ever had!) while online, n it's peacefully quiet around, so relax! Yeay i simply heart this. I need more pressure-less weekends like this!!!

friday night

2009-10-24T00:03:00.003+07:00

Hanged out at PVJ after botany lab exam. Sushi Groove again simply bcoz we wanted to use up the coupons. My unagi rice was ok, green tea ice cream was ok, everything was ok only, but i got really bloated after that meal.

Watched Inglourious Bastards after dinner. Quentin Tarantino's film, so u know what to expect rite?:p The film was unique so it somehow managed to keep me awake. For your information, now my eyes each left 1/3 of their normal size, red and sore. I guess bed is what i needed the most.

Since it is so, i'm not gonna continue grandmother's story here. Good nite peeps. Take care!

breaking

2009-10-22T23:30:00.004+07:00

For several times i failed to hold back tears today. So much is happening around but i noe that's not the reason. I never knew it would be this hard, or izit that i'm not tat strong like i used to be anymore. A part of me is always aching, still i have to put a smile on my face forcing myself to be happy.

All these while i've tried hard enough, more than what my limit allows. I may need to try harder, but my instinct tells me that the outcome will still be the same.

I need a beach, i need to tell the sea how i feel. I've taken too much inside, i can't breath.

missing home

2009-10-22T19:25:00.007+07:00

I was away from home since i was 18. My first day out there was like this: my parents dropped me down at the college, settled everything, including my hostel n went back. For that 1 n a half year, i never get any home sick, not even the week after they left.

Then i was 20, to Indonesia. A bit more further from home compare to KL. Even though i was on my own, home sick never really attack too. Whenever i was unhappy, i'll just lock myself inside the room, or talk to someone if only i want to share, or come to the worst i'll cry in shower. After all, things went back to normal again. I never seek for home, no matter if i'm sad or i'm sick.

Today is the first time that i miss home. That feeling hit strongly during the Religion and Ethics class, when the lecturer was talking about the how protective and how sensitive a mother is, i got sour in the tip of my nose. After all the troubles i gave to my mom, she is still there, always there for me. How many tears has she shed because of me? How many sleepless nite she went through because of me? I don't know but i'm sure there must be a lot, for all the things i put her through.

I'm the eldest among all the siblings, maybe that is why i don't stick to her much, somehow since young i prefer to be independent. I don't share problems with her, until that she has to find out by herself, or only when it's too serious only i'll tell to her. I have a dream of going backpacking, like go around the world without going home for years. U c, that is how it works between me n my mom, she's close to me but i'm not to her. I m closed up, not only to my mom but to most of the people in this world, i admit. My problems, most of the time ended up with myself, no matter if there is a solution or not. My thinking, most of the time people doesn't know what's on my mind, because i don't find a way to share. Only a few people can find the way to open up myself to them. Well, that's me.

But today, i miss home. I miss my mom. I miss talking to her even though it's about unimportant stuff. I miss the food she make. I miss the yoga session with her. I miss her smile and the look when she fell asleep on the couch. I miss every moment i had with her back at home. She is strict and she has high expectations in me which i used 2 hate; but now, i appreciate, because i owe her for this. If only she never send me to piano classes, if only she didn't care about my marks, if only she never bothers if i can get into competitions, who would i be today? I could remember when the worst time came, she was the one who stood firmly by my side, who never walk away like other people did. Yes, she is my mother, and i m grateful that she is. Thank you, mummy.

For the first time i'm missing home. I really do.

2009-10-21T18:14:00.001+07:00

My eyes gonna pop out soon if i continue staring at my laptop. And unfortunately, that's what i have to do for the whole nite tonight. Pfft. The two worst days that i've been so afraid to face, have arrived at last. Only God can save me now>_<

I'm exhausted.

2009-10-20T19:24:00.001+07:00

Came back from dinner, sat down, wore specs and start doing work again=.= can't wait for the weekends to come, this is so suffocating.

s.o.s! emm no, shud be s.m.s

2009-10-20T15:28:00.003+07:00

I need a jab of booster to bring myself back again, seriously. I'm doing stuffs s. l. o. w.-ly because i dont feel like doing them. I'm sick of countless reports to write and endless assignments to finish up. Obviously i've lost my passion in work. WTH somebody saves me plz.

Red alert

2009-10-19T18:36:00.002+07:00

Again i received mail from AirAsia. Promotion for year 2010 starts today, until 25th. All-in-fare from RM59 for Bandung-KL or vice versa. I was so touched when i read it, over and over again, with a big wide grin. So i clicked in, checking for the 13th Jan to go KL and back on 21st (WITH A HEART FULL OF HOPE).

And opps, too bad it turned me down! No, the price wasnt as low as they stated:( Sigh... However, i discovered that the nite flight for 22nd is so cheap! And soon Lai called saying that his 29th flight is cheap too. So without further hesitation, i took my passport and rushed to his house. LOL. And yeay we did successfully book cheap promo tickets:) Now left Bandung-KL flight pending, and also to find a place for myself to stay over on 21st in KL. Good, half of my problems is solved. After all the obstacles we faced, at last the trip is confirm on!*cheersss*

Looking forward for the January hols to come, very much. C u gals (and a guy) there!:p

this-week-blues

2009-10-19T09:21:00.002+07:00

This is the week that i hate the most after class started in August. Reports, exams, assignments, labs, anything schooling thingy that u can think of that cause miserable to my life, they r all congested waiting to be done all in this week. OMG this is so suffocating! Can i skip this week straight to next week please??? :( *sob*

overcome

2009-10-17T19:59:00.004+07:00

Alexandra Burke's new song, nice one. happy listen:)

and, don't forget to check Kate Voegele out, she's a thumbs-up too. Personally love her version of "hallelujah".

2009-10-17T17:59:00.000+07:00

I did it over and over and over and over and over again. Damn it.

2009-10-16T21:42:00.002+07:00

So darn exhausted! Lab sessions from 7.30am to 5pm drove me really crazy. Was so relieved when it came to an end. Phew.. But thank God it's Friday. Nothing is better than having a chance to take a BREAK. Can i dont do anything tonight other than pigging around in my room? YES, I CAN! muahaha...

home? or maybe not

2009-10-15T19:42:00.003+07:00

Was checking mail and received this Airasia newsletter: Get on one of our brand new flights to Kolkata, Kochi or Trivandrum! All in fair from RM129!

Yes thank you, but i'm not going to India my dear Airasia. I need promotion for January flights specifically Bandung-Kuala Lumpur! Sadly elsewhere but Bandung is not in the promotion list. I have been checking everyday but still no suprise for me. Sigh. May have to go back expensiveLy this time.

Anyway this trip back wont be heading home. Will be going to East Malaysia instead (hooray!). Destinations are Sibu, Kuching and Kota Kinabalu. I'm more than looking forward to it, and the main reason is because i'll be able to see faces that i missed a lot since 2 years ago:D Well, it's just 3 months away from now, a big wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:p

Chinese New Year won't be going back too, since it's not holiday and i dont feel like taking leave for this. Only me, Lai and Eu Joon with a bunch of juniors will stay. And by this i can conclude that i won't be going home for 1 year, emm 10 months to be accurate:)

This will be the longest time to be away from home, i miss people at home too but i'm enjoying life here so who cares?:p I may be able to make the duration longer by travelling in Indonesia, muahaha love this!

when everything was so simple

2009-10-14T15:19:00.002+07:00

I was in angkot on the way back to Cisitu, to get Lai to the hospital. There were these two kids, in school uniform, hopped on with grins on their faces. The scene brought me back to the memory of my primary school days.

I too had smile like them, a very sunshine one. HAD. Because everything used to be so simple and perfect. Mummy would send me to school in the morning, then play games at the back of class during recess with a big bunch of friends, practice piano and do homework in the afternoon, tv session before and after dinner, revision time with mummy, and a nice comfy bed awaits at nite. Every weekends, grandpa would buy me ice-cream, and daddy would be busy with his mango tree where i sat under the tree and watched him with his work. Ah, picnic at the beach too! And most importantly, an adorable sister to play with and to bully. Hiah hiah.

Life used to be so simple. Until the pinafore i wore change from dark blue to light blue, and longer, i noe, life would never be the same again. When the topic we shared was about boys next door, or this person dislikes that person, or favourite pop idols, u noe, there is no turning back anymore. We grew up without any self acknowledgment. And the more we grow, the more complicated things become. They'll continue to complicate, and snowball until the day we die.

I miss the past so much. Or i should say, i miss simplicity more.

给一位朋友

2009-10-12T19:01:00.004+07:00

遇见谁, 都是命中注定.
那人来过, 或逗留或离开.
但
不管结果如何, 至少曾经拥有.
不管是好是坏, 至少自己又长大了.

给你这首歌, 要加油哦!

要什么

2009-10-11T22:09:00.002+07:00

曾经, 想要很多很多
想要丑小鸭变天鹅
想要环游世界
想要当音乐家作家
想要拥有完美的爱情
虽然
一个都没有实现

最近, 却不懂自己要什么了
又好象什么都不想要了
欲望袋变空了

是有了他的后遗症吗?
只在乎他想要什么
自己的想要都被简化了

只期盼下次他回来时
能多牵他的手
能静静地坐在他身边
能一起吃早餐
能被拥抱被关怀被疼爱
能多看他几眼还有他微笑的样子

想要简单的拥有
想保存朴实不华丽的爱情
我想要的
大概也只有这些了

2nd part of saturday

2009-10-10T23:54:00.005+07:00

Like i mentioned in the previous post, i'll kill myself if it rains when i go out in the afternoon. Know what, i'll take back the words coz yes, it rained and i cant practically kill myself, for real:p

Went to the gathering event with local students, which i enjoyed very much and happy to get some new frens. Also, i tried all local keropok they served, except the one made from ox skin. LOL. Just don't have enough guts to put it into my mouth n chew n SWALLOW:p It's a simple and small event, but the people were nice, and the whole thing was warmth and sweet, thank you for inviting:)

Spent 1 n a half hour on discussion tonight, then went for supper with Lai and Alvin. I ate two plates of cap cay. TWO PLATES. And, i have been eating the same food from the same stall continuously for 3 days. Muahaha. Irresistible! I'm hooked!!

Just got home and the feeling of tiredness is creeping in. The air around is too cold for me to resist the eagerness to wrap myself up in the blanket n, start snoring:p Have a good nite peeps!

the weather

2009-10-10T13:50:00.003+07:00

The sun was on time this morning. I could feel the heat although the breeze was kinda cool. Waking up at 6am for a botany trip seriously doesn't make my day. I went to campus bringing only 1/2 plus 1/2 eyes. That's so pathetic.

The whole trip took around 5 hours, and it was raining heavily at the last 1 hour. However we managed to collect 138 species of plants *applause*:)

Ok, my complaint gonna start here, so skip this paragraph if u dont wish to listen, lol.. I like rainy day, but the thing i hate about it is the muddy road after the rain! Like i said it was raining, and stopped before we headed to McD for lunch. We walked there coz it's quite near. But the short distance seems like an endless road, coz the more steps i took, the more frustrated i was. My feet got dirtier each time i stepped onto or into the mud (i wore flip-flops), and my pants was covered with drops of dirt. I noe this may sounds minor to u, but it actually got on my nerves. I just hate it when i have to get dirty for no reason. :(

Now i'm home n guess wat, it's sunny. wth. If it rains again when i go out later, i think i'll just kill myself X)

i m trying hard

2009-10-09T22:10:00.004+07:00

Trying to reduce the amount of how much i miss u.
Trying to rewind myself back into the life without u around.
Trying to fit myself into your way in my most comfortable way.
Trying to keep my toes warm so they doesn't remind me that much of u.
Trying to try hard for everything, including the assignments u assigned me before u left.

2009-10-08T22:52:00.003+07:00

Broke out into tears when i found the text doc u asked me to find in my laptop. U are more than perfect to me. This time i really NEED to say, thank you.

the aeroplane took u away from me =(

2009-10-08T14:33:00.004+07:00

2 weeks passed in a glimpse of eyes. Scarily fast. Every single day was like a dream; although u were busy, still i was happy to know that i have u somewhere near (sometimes not even 100m), and heart those few precious hours u managed to squeeze out to come over. But starting this hour, i'll have to fall back to the hard ground of reality. Means without u around. And get used to it. I m so not willing to do so, but that is the only option i have (it's not even an option actually, lol!).

I thank God for the chance to be able to meet u, know u and heart u. Things happened insanely unrealistic like a drama, which i thought is very impossible to happen in life. And heaven knows it happened on me and you. More than grateful, i have to say.

Can i start counting days for your next trip back? LOL!

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"A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me. We maybe apart in distance, but never in heart."
Sweetest thing u ever said to me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

to the vvip

2009-10-06T22:21:00.007+07:00

It makes me smile whenever i c u smile.

The day was seriously very tiring, but i had something to look forward to. U. Thank you for ur 2 hours and a cup of Sour Sally, i was really contented. U were beside, i have u to hold on.

Rest well. Get well soon. xoxo.

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i'm sorry that until today i still cant communicate in b.indonesia well. i noe that disappoints u a lot. i'll try harder the next time, i promise. i juz need time.

2009-10-05T23:51:00.001+07:00

I CANNOT TAHAN EDY!!!!!!!! I HATE REPORTS N ASSIGNMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when monday meets monday

2009-10-05T16:34:00.004+07:00

Last last Monday, I was hoping for the clock to tick twice faster as it could. I remember how anxious and excited i was waiting for Thursday to come.

Last Monday, I woke up with joy and feeling contented because I spent a total of 60 hours with u for the past few days; which seems to be like a dream more than reality.

Today, is Monday again, but this time i want the time to move slowly, as slow as possible so u'll be around longer. I noe it's really ridiculous but this is what i hope for, i'll even be thankful for an extra minute available.

If only i'm dreaming, i'll choose not to wake up, and Monday remains as Monday forever.

2009-10-04T23:10:00.003+07:00

U give a life more than luxurious to me, overloaded with happiness; all u need is 5 minutes to cheer up my whole day. No matter how simple how gloomy the day is, u still makes me smile and laugh at the end of the day. I was never this happy before, and this time i m continuously happy for weeks. How the hell do u manage to do tat? LOL. I have to say, THANK YOU again. I enjoy being with u. xoxo.

2009-10-04T15:08:00.005+07:00

This Clip brought me back to the memories of 3 yrs ago. We used to love this so much and watched it over n over again!

Good Enough - evanescence

2009-10-03T13:24:00.003+07:00

Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough for you

Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
And I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely
Now I can't let go of this dream
Can't believe that I feel

Good enough
I feel good enough
It's been such a long time coming
But I feel good

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
'Cause I can't hold on to anything

This good enough
Am I good enough
For you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me
'Cause I can't say no

lab or no lab

2009-10-02T08:13:00.003+07:00

Woke up kinda late this morning. Was told lab briefing at 7am. N 3 of us slowly went out at 7, LOL. It was around 7.30 when we arrived at the lab, not rushing at all. Well, that's the sign. Our classmates all were waiting at the staircase, coz no lab assistant came, not even 1. Very brilliant. So at last, we came back home n here i m now. Crazy rite?

murmur & my day

2009-10-01T18:10:00.006+07:00

Weird stuff happens in this world. At least, frequently on me. N most of the time they are not positive. I used to cry over things that out of the blue go against me, that struck me out of no where. But this time i handled it well. It may sound a lil bit complicated with the statement up there, but tell u wat, juz don care, coz i don too:)

The world is too beautiful to be neglected and life is supposed to be enjoyable, lets ignore what that 1 or 2 person think or say about u. Some people juz try to think out of the box, and haha yes they did go out of the box. Congratulation for the successful achievement. Facts are not what they concern of. But, WHATEVER. I don't care:) N like Lai said, SO SIEN.
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Today's class was kinda SIEN too. Inorganic analysis was like usual, boring. We ended up talking in class than listening to him. Haha. Sometimes i feel so pity towards the lecturer. But we just cant help it:p Religion n ethics oso, sat n listened for 1 n a half hour, then after that Botany oso bullet-trained for another hour.

After class we visited Nethiya at Advent hosp. She's admitted, and her blood test result still not out yet, but she got stomache, n puke every time she eats, kasian... Get well soon, gal. Hope u'll be allright.

Tian n I bought ourselves flowers. I got white chrysanthemum n sum purple flower which i dono the name, while Tian got some pretty roses. Flower in room cheers me up and calms me down at the same time. Heart them:)!

i juz wanna freeze u

2009-09-30T22:40:00.002+07:00

In the Charmed Ones, Piper used to be able to freeze object(s), or people. Why izit that i m not able to do so? I want to freeze u even juz for a few minutes, so u can stay a bit longer with me. It's more than wonderful to spend time with u. U make everything better, and make me happier. Thank you.

2009-09-30T11:00:00.001+07:00

Woke up in a thin air of happiness. How great it is if everyday is like that.

addiction

2009-09-29T23:53:00.003+07:00

U can say that i'm totally addicted to blogging. Well there r so much to tell so much to write. Recently life changed significantly, of coz i change too, u'll realize if u follow the posts from day to day, although sum private n confidential parts are not included:) Oh ya, Ain said i m happier. Yes, i do *grin*

A good friend of mine posted about how she felt about blogging. She used to love to blog. However sadly, it turned out to be some kind of self-betrayal. I don't know what's really happening, and i didn't ask about that too. But for me, the blog is mine, n the words are mine. People read people judge people guess people condemn, but it seems like they forget about the purpose of blogging. The very basic purpose i mean. It's a way to share life and thoughts, to capture and record life like what a diary does, in a more interesting way. We have been living in other peoples' mouths for too long, it's time to get urself out of it. After all, why bother? X)

Another addiction i'm having now is Chocolate. Damn it. I've been 'swallowing' chocolates down my throats for the past few days. It's a very nice n lovely gift i can say, thank you very much, but it awakes the desire for chocolate in me that has been buried since a year ago, or maybe longer. And now i'm so hooked, AGAIN.

Can i consider laziness as another addiction? When life got easier for quite a time (after months of holiday), i'm addicted to the laziness and the santai type of life. I can't go on like this coz exam is juz in another 2 weeks time. But i juz can't help:( tat's very bad rite? ok i'll start doing stuff TOMORROW, i mean i'll try:p

Another important 1, i'm addicted to the happiness u gave and giving me. Millions of thanks may not be enuf, but that's all i can say here. I hope it last:)

Have a good nite dearies.

2009-09-29T17:50:00.002+07:00

Devika said i lost a lot of weight. Had been thinking too much i guess, the brain consumed away all the nutrients. LOL. Since it's like that, i decided to stop all hesitations that wonder around in my head, and eat more to gain back the weight i supposed 2 have:) After all no point cracking my head for the uncertainties, life continues after all. It feels great when i ate a lot of stuff 2day xp

Gonna go for dinner soon although my tummy is still full with chocolates. Chocolates are just too irrisistable!

2009-09-29T01:10:00.003+07:00

I found someone who is more than perfect for me. Sometimes i feel like i don't deserve him. I m too imperfect, while he is way too far beyond what i expect, what i need, even more than what i want. I appreciate him to the fullest, till it overflows in my heart. I can't ask for more.

the day after holiday ended

2009-09-28T16:46:00.003+07:00

Yes, holiday has come to it's very end. My day started with Anatomy class in the morning, boring as usual, he still talks s.l.o.w.l.y like before. Cannot tahan. Lunch at Bengkok which was overcrowded, it took us around half an hour to get the food. After that was Organic Chemistry class, 4th floor of dono-wat-building which is reachable only by staircase. She stuffed us with chemical namessssss today. Apparently this is the main factor that cause my exhaustion.

Gonna take a nap now, c ya:)

2009-09-27T17:22:00.001+07:00

I owe you millions of big fat sluggy THANK YOU. Wish i could do more than only by saying thank you.

2009-09-27T17:02:00.002+07:00

Some things just don't happen normally, it happened out of the line, and random, which makes it special.
Some things just can't be measure, how much how tall how wide, GIVE is my policy, i don't care how much i take back, although it somehow aches.
Some things are not meant to be figured out, although it left countless question-marks in my head, although it kills me a lot when i try to think about it.

For everything that happened, there is a reason. I'm suiting myself into ur case, no matter how many layers of wall that i hav2 go through to know the real you, for what u've been through is too painful for me to understand.

2009-09-24T22:32:00.001+07:00

1 hour more. That's it:)

thursday

2009-09-24T14:45:00.002+07:00

Can u believe it? it's Thursday edy! Had been waiting for the day to come:) Began my day with bread and coffee, watched Juno (nice movie, u shud grab it n watch u noe), did a bit of room cleaning, took bath and came to Eu Joon's place for lunch. N after that here i m, online.

Nothing much to do, checking out facebook, mailbox, update blog and chatting with Siew Mei. She reminded me that we hadnt meet up for 2 years edy, n that's so true! Gosh 2 years! I went from supershort hair to long hair, went through thin fat thin fat thin period, met new people made new frens, stepped into a relationship and stepped out, undergone little changes in characteristic behavior thinking, shifted temporarily from Malaysia to Indonesia etc. All in this 2 years, significant turning point in my life. And i miss that batch of frens i had (n still having) 2 yrs ago so much. Time flies, that's all i can say.

Thursday, means 3 more days b4 the classes start again, b4 the hectic life starts again. There are so much reading to do, but guess wat i havent really touch them yet:(

2009-09-23T11:22:00.001+07:00

The sky is dark. Gonna rain? Maybe. I dont care now. 2 discussions to go, wanna finish up fast, cant wait for tomorrow:)

2009-09-22T19:56:00.001+07:00

Falling in love is not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly!

A friend posted as a status in Facebook. Couldn't agree more:)

visiting west bandung

2009-09-22T19:35:00.004+07:00

Yesterday we went all the way to the west part of Bandung, to visit Pak Antot, our school officer. It took us 1 hour to arrive at his house. And the kampung road to his house was OMG, i almost puke when we arrived. Haha. His wife served us with ketupat and opor ayam, which was more than delicious, and also some home-made cookies. She can really make nice food:) The visit didnt take too long time coz we hav2 go back around evening. Another hour to go back. Pfft.

selamat hari raya

2009-09-20T11:40:00.002+07:00

It's hari raya. yeay, big feast! lol... Wearing an orange baju kurung i used 2 wear in college, juz simply want to blend into the celebration atmosphere:) Ate a lot a lot, and listening to hot fm (malaysian radio station). Feeling juz like home.

Raya back at home would be visiting, daddy's frens. Same thing, eat and eat, that's all i do. Haha. But this year, with frens. We cooked (i mean i helped out, not really the 1 who cook). Eu Joon make chicken rendang, n kueh which i dono the name. The gals make sate goreng (damn delicious), sayur lodeh (sumthing like veggie curry), ketupat and cake. Thumbs up for all the food!

It's simple but i prefer it to be so. Usually during chinese new year what i dislike the most is the crowd. Relatives crowd. Where i have to answer the same questions over and over again, and hav2 remember how to address each every of them. U noe those far relatives, who's who and who's who, i cant even pronouns the the addresses properly! LOL! So the best would be with family, or only frens. I never mind:)

So again selamat hari raya ya, enjoy ur day!

pouring rain

2009-09-19T14:39:00.003+07:00

Gladly announce that raining season is at last HERE! My happiest time in Bandung is to enjoy the cool air and breeze, although the road is slippery and muddy, although i cant go out often, still i'm relieve for the rain that comes. The rain is pouring heavily RIGHT NOW outside. Haha.

Went to Simpang Dago this morning, with Ain, Asiah n Eu Joon to buy ingredients for Raya tomorrow. Love to have celebration with frens. Yah.. Gonna make nice food for tomorrow. Simpang Dago was flooded with crowd, last shopping for Lebaran i guess. I brought my sandal to the cobbler, and bought flowers for my room. Today the street was much quiet than it used to be. People all balik kampung. Less vehicles, no traffic jam, wheeeee it's my 1st time to feel easy to cross the road:) I enjoyed the morning though.

Well here i wish all muslims, especially Ain and Asiah (the galfrens which i heart so much) Selamat Hari Raya, enjoy the day and lets feast! Should i wear baju kurung tomorrow? Orange or red? I'll think about it tonight:D

no connection

2009-09-18T19:21:00.003+07:00

Yes, no connection at home. wth... Couldnt go on9 for like 24 hours edy, tat's very pathetic u noe.. Yesterday went to shopping, AGAIN. Got myself a few nice stuffs, but burned a hole in my pocket, seems like the shopaholic devil hidden inside me came out for this holiday. Gosh i'm addicted:(

This morning woke up a bit earlier than usual. Ain wanted to collect her parcel at the post office. Her mother sent her kueh raya, how sweet is that:) guess wat, the postage fee was RM120, bloody expensive>.< They sent it yesterday itself actually, but the Mas in our kost didnt accept it in case there's any mistake, so we had to collect it ourselves. We took a taxi and went. God noes it's so damn far!!! The whole journey spent us Rp. 95,000, just to collect the parcel.

Came back and watched movie, The Bridges of Madison County by Clint Eastwood. An old movie but nice to watch. A four-days-love between two strangers, which last in their hearts longer than ever. An affair between a housewife and a divorcee who came to the town, and she made a choice to stay and not go with him. It's somehow heart-aching to see this type of movie, saddens me a lot.

Btw, gonna feast later, all pork feast can u imagine that? Get bloated tonight and go back, LOL... Enjoy ur nite peeps!

2009-09-17T12:35:00.002+07:00

i HEART this song (click to enjoy)

Happy Birthday Mr. Ray Putra Prajnamitra!

2009-09-16T23:49:00.002+07:00

I still remember how i got noe u. It was after orientation, I was standing helplessly by the roadside with Subha n Kirubaa n Mogan. Couldnt get an angkot to go home. U were with ur frens at the same spot nearby, and one decided to give us a ride. Mummy said don't go into stranger's car but LOL we did. However, the one who took us back safely, i didnt manage to stay in contact him. Instead, i got know u, Mr. Ray:)

Ray is a very brilliant mahasiswa ITB, also a very good Chemistry tutor. He gave us extra class for 1 whole year and all we could pay back is only friendship. Thank you. He's funny too, very sepadan with Tzu, n they manage to nickname each other as Angel & Devil. Hahaha...

So today is his 21st birthday. Happy birthday, Ray:) Well hope u enjoy the dinner we had with u, and may u hav a good year ahead!

爱上一首歌

2009-09-15T22:08:00.003+07:00

其实一直有着这首歌, 却没发现它. 今天不小心听到, 也不小心爱上了.

爱上你不如爱上海 (click to view)

1 day trip

2009-09-15T19:06:00.005+07:00

Took Damri bus 10 in the morning. Without air-cond. I was sitting by the window and the sun juz shone right on me >.<. U noe i hate tat. Lai lend his towel for me 2 close up my hand, and face. The 1 n a 1/2 hour of journey was ok, better than expected, saw paddy fields:) Next we chattered angkot to a place named Cinulang, where the waterfall is situated. It's up on the hill. Along the road views are sceneric. There were lots of padi bukit which is the 1st time i ever seen in my life. It took about half an hour to reach the destination.

What we did was eat, play water, eat again, play water again, then change n go home. Haha sounds so not fun but it was fun! At least the water is clean, and practically only us (a few others got lah) coz it's weekday. Eu Joon said it's a place famous for couples to pak to, and amount of visitors are like around 500 ppl during weekends. I wonder how they get to that place, it's so damn FAR.

Came back with that chattered angkot. Straight till Dago. The 1 and a half hour was terrible. It was suffocating as there were 14 of us. Lack of oxygen:( and he didnt use highway, instead he took normal road which was so jam bcoz it's near to buka puasa time. And he kept honing cars every 5 minutes. That was really frustrating...

At last we arrived, SAFELY. Took dinner and came back home totally worn out, bones aching, lol. Had a great day anyway, for photos kindly view Mr.Lai's or Mr.Lim's facebook for them, i think they'll upload asap:) Thank you.

2009-09-15T00:31:00.002+07:00

It is uncertainty, tat makes me scared.
Although i noe after the 1st step i took, there is no turning back.
I may, need to ask myself again.

2009-09-14T23:12:00.000+07:00

U make my day. Days. Everyday.

Holiday

2009-09-14T02:00:00.002+07:00

Holiday means it's time for hanging out and shopping spree!!

Friday nite, venue: PVJ. hanging out with frens b4 they r back to malaysia. Dressed nicely. Had dinner and movie. Nice 1.

Saturday whole day: shopping. Got sum stuff around Jln. Riau. Dinner in BIP but i didnt get anything there.

Sunday: pigging around till late afternoon. Went for a temporary tattoo. Had dinner at guys' place. N received sum good news which excites me real lot:)

Nite, peeps.

2009-09-14T01:59:00.001+07:00

I m speechless with all u gonna do for me. Thank you.

writer's block

2009-09-10T21:29:00.002+07:00

Yup exactly, nothing to write today, wanted to take a nap before going out jalan-jalan but at last couldnt make it, which causes me to be damn sleepy by now. Wondering if i m still conscious.

2 more days

2009-09-09T18:08:00.002+07:00

That's all. 2 MORE DAYS. Then the holiday is here! For 2 weeks... What a relief! Botany, inorganic chem, organic chem, physical pharm etc. had make life so tiring and boring, it's time to rest! And have fun! Muahaha!!!

I sound excited, don't i? yes bcoz i'm really excited! Juz finished organic chem lab with took 4 hrs time, although i'm exhausted now but i manage 2 put on a grin when i think of the coming holiday. Yes, it's just around the corner:D

No plan to go anywhere, but will celebrate Hari Raya with Ain n Asiah. They are not going back too, which makes me really really happy coz or else i'll b alone in the kost. YEAY!

This holiday gonna be a wonderful one *wink* lets celebrate peeps!

2009-09-09T10:44:00.004+07:00

It started again (click to view)

Can we change the song Rasa Sayang to Rasa Benci?
No, we can't.
It is a lovely song.
Share, is the keyword.

simply

2009-09-08T18:35:00.003+07:00

No politics today, i don wanna lost my scholarship, lol. It's a tiring day; 11 to 1 microbiology, we had post class quiz. Next class was 4 to 6, physical pharmacy. Between the 2 classes i did some work for tomoro's organic chem lab, while talking kosong with them. Physical pharmacy was hard, but the lecturer was humming (emmmmmmm, aaaaaaaaaaaa.....), although he looks like an ant but not cute at all, ergh. If he's cute we may still try 2 follow his class. Too bad. After all couldnt absorb anything he taught for 1 hr plus. Pfft. When everything in the whole day added up together, it was energy draining, seriously =(

Gonna continue with my work. C ya peeps!

a rakyat says

2009-09-07T18:59:00.006+07:00

think before u speak, using a brain i mean (click to view)

i was in tears after i watched that movie. For God's sake i cant imagine, that is my country. And the one who's answering is a MINISTER (without brain). Imagine that.

We are still in bulan puasa aren't we? Very well.

looking for the rain god

2009-09-07T16:47:00.002+07:00

A shortstory by Bessie Head, which i read for English Literature back in highschool. Couldnt remember in detail but as the title goes, it's about Looking for a Rain God; in short means a ceremony to beg for rain. There were religion conflicts, family conflicts etc.etc. But of coz this is not the purpose of the post (tat would be lame), It's me who is looking for the Rain God.

I noe, i do get emo easily during rainy days; i hate sleeping alone especially when there's thunder n lightnings, i hate it when my pants and shoes get soak in muddy dirty water, i hate splashes from the cars, and lately i hate dirty corridor when it rains... BUT on the other hand, i like the cool weather it brings, i like the sound of raindrops, i like to wrap myself in the blanket like a cocoon during rainy days, and because a part of me inside is sentimental, it clicks with rainy days:)

Ok, this afternoon when i wanted 2 go 2 class, my God the weather was like so sickening. The sun shone as if he rules the world. I was under umbrella coz i don't wanna get darker anymore, i got enuf of melanine for the past few months. The class was even worse, it stuffy and warm, i was having fever i guess, couldnt take temperature. I have no idea since when Bandung has turned into a very tropical city. The drought may have not come to an end yet, or the climate has changed due to the greenhouse effect, i don't know.

That is why i hav2 look for the Rain God. Only she can help, only she can cause a downpour in Bandung; i dont even mind if it only rain in Cisitu Indah 1, at least let me feel the coldness. Rain God, i'm sorry i cant sacrify any animal or human as the return, but if u hear me, just help me for once plz...

2009-09-06T16:24:00.002+07:00

Was reading Malaysia-Today, and it causes anxiety in me. Will the 513 incident hit us again? It is a history nightmare, and a lesson for all Malaysian; past, present or future. It seems like we are in a too comfortable zone and people are forgetting the pain from the past. So started all the chaos, as if Malaysia is too harmony and too free from any riots. Too quiet and peaceful for them. Now they're making Malaysia to be more happening, am i right?

In what era are we in now? Why cant we follow the pace of globalization and get rid of all racist thinking? Is it still matter if ur neighbour is not from ur race? Is it still awkward to make friends with other races? Is it still a problem if we stay harmonically on a piece of land we all call HOME? Malaysians has called themselves Malaysian since merdeka? We are borned here, are we still considered as immigrants?

Think again, people.

that freaks me out

2009-09-05T22:34:00.002+07:00

I was boring so u noe wat i did? i googled my name. Not Chee, only Shuwen. Beyond my expectation, there were around 110,000 results. My God is my name that common? I noe my name is very common but until THAT extent? Gosh...

So i simply clicked into a few Shuwens' blogs, randomly. And i realised we share only name, they are like sooooo much different from me! One is a kaki club with a lip pierce, one is on a competition desperately need people to vote for her, one is a world traveller, one is a professional photographer, some are doctors etc. etc. Of coz they are from different part of the world, But most are from Malaysia =.=

I m ordinary but phew i noe i m extraordinary too :D God creates every individual to be special, luckily same goes for me. At least there's no another Shuwen who share everything common in me. Thk God. I really appreciate this.

stop it, we are malaysians

2009-09-05T20:51:00.002+07:00

f*ck these people (click to view)

how i wish how i wish

2009-09-04T22:42:00.003+07:00

How i wish Adrian is here, seriously. I got so much things to tell, n i noe he'll listen patiently, no matter how ridiculous it is, and he'll give suggestion to solve, despite how sinful he'll be for giving that idea, like what a world bestest friend does. I noe i'm such dependent, but there are problems, so much and so heart-aching. I carry them on my own. I can't find suitable ears, not bcoz they ain't no good, but they have their probs too, and we r at different stage, it will be hard for them to understand or to help.

When i was back, i realised my front door floor mat was used by someone, it's not in front of my door, it's in TOTAL wet and my corridor is so damn dirty with all the black stains! HATE! For God's sake that's my favorite floor mat and it's brand new!!! I noe it's raining out there, but there's a big box paper at the entrance, u can juz use that to step clean ur shoes b4 u come in moron! It's no difference from bringing a big pail of water n spilt everywhere in front of my door and stepped on it! C what u did to my floor mat and my corridor! Even inside my room was wet when i stepped in. My God how am i suppose to clean them up???

How i wish how i wish the world is better than this, how i wish how i wish i wont be sad on rainy day anymore, how i wish how i wish people think for the others before doing sumthing stupid, how i wish how i wish...

The show - Lenka

2009-09-04T01:16:00.002+07:00

Heard this song when i was on hols months ago in Malaysia. It's so lovely n sweet that i heart it so much:) N the lyrics, reflects my exact feeling right now...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I’m just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
Can’t do it alone I’ve tried
and I don’t know why

Slow it down make it stop
or else my heart is going to pop
‘cuz it’s too much, yeah it’s a lot
to be something I’m not

I’m a fool out of love
‘Coz I just can’t get enough

I’m just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
I can’t do it alone I’ve tried
And I don’t know why

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared but don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
It’s bringing me down I know
I’ve got to let it go
And just enjoy The Show

The sun is hot in the sky
just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It’s a joke nobody knows
They’ve got a ticket to that show …yeah

I’m just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
Can’t do it alone I’ve tried
and I don’t know why

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared but I don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
it’s bringing me down I know
I’ve got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
oh oh
Just enjoy the show
oh oh

I’m just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
Can’t do it alone I’ve tried
And I don’t know why

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared but I don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
It’s bringing me down I know
I’ve got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Dum de dum dudum de dum
Just enjoy The Show

Dum de dum dudum de dum
Just enjoy The Show

I want my money back (3x)
Just enjoy The Show

I want my money back (3x)
Just enjoy The Show

zzz

2009-09-03T23:02:00.000+07:00

i'm tired i'm exhausted i'm washed-out.

happy hungry ghost festival!

2009-09-02T20:18:00.002+07:00

Today is the 14th night of the seventh lunar month, also known as hungry ghost festival. When i was small, my mom prohibited me to play outside late on this day. Other than that, i vividly remember how worry was I when my parents were late to pick me up from night tuition. Haha. But why is it called so? I wiki it n here's the brief introduction about this festival.

The seventh month is regarded as the Ghost Month, while the fifteenth day is the Ghost Day. On this day, ghosts and spirits are freed from the lower realm and are allowed to visit the living. On this day, people will prepare ritualistic food offerings, burning incense and joss paper for the visiting spirits of the ancestors.

The origins of the festival can be traced back to a story that originally came from India. There was a Buddhist monk named Mahāmaudgalyāyana. He used his clairvoyance to see where his parents were reborn and found his father in the heavenly realms. However, his mother had been reborn in a lower realm as a hungry ghost (preta) – it could not eat due to its highly thin & fragile throat in which no food could pass through, yet it was always hungry because it had a fat belly. His mother had been greedy with the money he left her. He had instructed her to kindly host any Buddhist monks that ever came her way, but instead she withheld her kindness and her money. It was for this reason she was reborn in the realm of hungry ghosts.

Mahāmaudgalyāyana eased his mother's suffering by receiving the instructions of feeding pretas from the Buddha. The Buddha instructed Mahāmaudgalyāyana to place pieces of food on a clean plate, reciting a mantra seven times, snap his fingers then tip the food on clean ground. By doing so, the preta's hunger was relieved and through these merits, his mother was reborn as a dog under the care of a noble family.

Mahāmaudgalyāyana also sought the Buddha's advice to help his mother gain a human birth. The Buddha established a day after the traditional summer retreat (the 14th day of the seventh month in the lunar calendar) on which Mahāmaudgalyāyana was to offer food and robes to 500 bhikkhus. Through the merits created, Mahāmaudgalyāyana's mother finally gained a human birth.

Due to Confucian influence, the offering became directed towards ancestors and ancestor worship has replaced the simple ritual of relieving the hunger of pretas. However, most Buddhist temples still continue the ancient practice of donating to the Sangha as well as to perform rituals for the hungry ghosts.

So that's the story. Sleep well tonight people:)

we saw earthquake

2009-09-02T16:28:00.002+07:00

Yes, we SAW. On the way to KBL to have our late lunch, i saw plants shaking. It was weird coz those stems are woody. I thought i saw it wrongly. A second right after that, we heard noises from the top floor of IT building. Those tall metal things (which i have no idea what r they) up there were loudly shaking and falling. Then Eu Joon said the lamp post beside was shaking. Yes, it was shaking. While we were still confused, suddenly there's a bunch of people running out from that building, and so do other buildings around. U'r rite, it's earthquake. Stupidly 3 of us never feel even a tiny bit of shaking. WTF. That's why we only saw, we didnt feel. How pathetic.

About half n hour later, TzuTzu n TianTian called n say they could feel it! N about BIP is closed, how the glass window shaking like plastic (i cant exactly noe wat they mean by this, haha), those angkot stopped at the roadside, the main earthquake was in Jakarta etc.etc.

Ahh i wasted my 1st time of experiencing earthquake!!

missing beach

2009-09-01T17:25:00.006+07:00

Was walking back home, the road was facing the setting sun. OMG that was so nice! It has been a long time since i really see a sunset. And a small kid was playing kite there, damn it reminded me so much of the beaches back in hometown. The sand, the sea, the sun and the sky full of kites... I desperately missing beach:(

Whenever i miss beach, i miss home...

healin' is on the go

2009-09-01T11:05:00.003+07:00

Proudly saying that I've successfully overcome the dependent of talking on the phone before bed.
I am (AM, not was) so used to it to talk to him before bed, or after class, or after dinner, or just random call.
Days have been hard when the phone stays quiet, like the world around stops rotating. It seems like phone has 'parasited' my life before. And the side effect remains...
Well last nite i managed to get some sleep without bedtime stories and good nite kiss, which never happened for even 1 day (i think) for the past 3 years. Initially it was so hard, i called n told him i cant sleep without talking on the fon. Haha. Weird rite? Calling ur ex to tell this? Luckily he was understanding enuf, like always. Again, thank you...
Hopefully tonight i'll get to sleep soundly, i'm tired of rolling eyes looking at wall table chair moo moo cupboard door for the whole night.
Still there are habits and stuffs which are attaching, but i'll take them off, 1 by 1. Healin' is on the go!

after things fall apart

2009-08-31T15:48:00.002+07:00

After things fall apart, it's time to put them back. Well these few days were trying to suit myself up, trying to get some sleep, trying to be more independent, trying to lead a life without him.
Slowly, I'm putting things back.

all settled in peace

2009-08-30T11:09:00.002+07:00

U noe, never fight even once for the past 3 yrs n 3 months; when we broke up, also settled in peace, we'll be good frens, he said he can bcum my 'ji mui'. We are better as frens than couple. We wont delete each others' phone number, we'll stay in contact, we'll still meet up when i go back to Malaysia. He's such patience and tolerant, that is the thing i really like about him. I thank God for meeting him with me and giving me such a wonderful relationship, i couldn't ask for more. I'm glad i had him.

I really need a break from being in a relationship. I felt the tiredness. The decision maybe a bit too rush, and i cried for hours for it, but this may be good for both parties. A break to think about the next step to take, each others' future. Things has been static, no development, nothing, which isn't good for a relationship. So better to take a break.

Well i hope for the best in him, and may he meet someone better in the future.

Thank you and sorry

2009-08-29T20:52:00.003+07:00

Thank you for being my 1st one, for giving me wonderful memories one can ever give.
Thank you for being there for me, for the past 3 years and 3 months.
Thank you for always bear my litre of tears and a shoulder to cry off.
Thank you for everything that u gave, everything u sacrificed for me.
Thank you for the time u spent on me, and the best u gave to me.
Thank you for letting me go, only because i asked u to do so.
Thank you for ur willingness to be a friend after this.
Thank you.

Sorry for not being able to be with u forever.
Sorry for breaking my promise towards you.
Sorry for not being able to give u another chance.
Sorry for making this decision which i know will hurt u deeply.
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.

2009-08-29T16:42:00.001+07:00

Thank you, for letting me go.

十字路口

2009-08-29T13:32:00.002+07:00

又再次站在十字路口
看看下去的路该怎么走
在犹豫
还要把握还是要放手
不想再走下去却没办法开口

我累了.

be a botanist? no way!!

2009-08-28T23:01:00.003+07:00

Botany lab was an energy-draining one, i was totally washed out after 3 hrs of looking at plants and analising them. pfft. It's hard and i'm so unfamiliar with them. PLANTS. But my group was the bestest 1 i think, i got Subha n Eu Joon with me:D and a credit-transferred student, Adeline. At least i have them with me for the rest of this semester. Relieved, a bit. Haha.

I came back around 5 after the lab session, finished up my whole litre of milk, and few pieces of bread, then snoooooooooored until 8pm. And went to Koboi with Asiah, and eat again. Ordered sushi and juice. The sushi werent nice, i dont like the rice, it's local rice instead of Jap sushi rice. Duh watever. Cant complain much rite.

And came back. And sat here online-ing until now. Thank God It's Friday!

felling good!

2009-08-28T11:36:00.002+07:00

Made an appointment to talk 2 Adrian this morning (haha c i've made u a VIP), now i'm feeling much much much much much much better! Thx for ur advises and ur NO and ur support at last. Hehe:) i promise i wont ruin the whole thing, i mean i hope *cross fingers*.

it's all about class

2009-08-27T18:11:00.003+07:00

Last nite was kinda emo, sorry... I didnt mean to scare u peeps off:p But everything went back to normal again, after i woke up and realised it was 6.30am and life started in a rush again! I thought we'll be late for class (coz Ain and Asiah waited for me), who noes we didnt. We were on time. Thank God. The classes were BORING, i was bored till death, Serrrrriously... Physical Pharmacy was bored, Inorganic analysis was hard, Religion and Ethics was like a piece of crap, and Botany was boring n hard n drove me crazy. Brain Freeze to the max. And the worse part was i didnt have proper breakfast, juz simply swallowed some milk n ran out of the house. And i starved until class ended at 2.

What a day.

tangled

2009-08-27T01:02:00.003+07:00

It's 1.05am now, and class starts 7am tomoro, which indicates that i'm suppose 2 be snoring loudly by now, but i didnt. I can't sleep. Things are playing in my mind, over and over again for like thousands times, worsen after i've watched The Proposal. The Proposal was planned earlier 2 be the title of my blog 2day, but at last i've changed it. Tangled, is the right word.

I'm tangled with myself, my feelings and my thinking. I can't make decision wisely, i can't think properly, i can't and i can't. I can't find a person to tell, i can't understand what's going wrong in me. Tangled, i m.

Tangled. In my own world.

when

2009-08-26T11:07:00.002+07:00

When life has gone out of control, or becoming more and more unusual, i need time to fit myself into it.

When there are choices to make, and there are too much of them, i need a break to clear things up and calm my mind.

When a piece of cake have to be cut into pieces, when a glass of water have to be shared, i'm sorry for this to happen.

When the moon comes out at nite and i talked to her, only she noes what's in the bottom of my heart.

When the time comes, i noe, only myself can help myself.

2009-08-25T18:20:00.002+07:00

Cooking my 1st meal after coming back to Bandung, at last. Anchovy cabbage soup, sounds weird but haha i bliv it will b nice:)

Class started officially today. Ibu Marlia, lecturer for Microbiology is a funny one, she started with intro only, kinda interesting but when it went for lke 2 hrs, i started to get bored, haha. Botany class (i dont even noe the lecturer's name, a lady) was terrible, we learned classification n all 2day, u noe wat, plant names are complicated but she's using Touch n Go system (i mean the speed of clicking slides), my goodness...

The last class was physical pharmacy. He has no difference from Ibu Fida, our 1st yr lecturer. He was talking to the laptop, and ppl doing their own business down there. I tried to listen, I TRIED, but i failed to do so... haha...

Going to Anata tomoro, n CiWalk for movie, can't wait for it!

2009-08-24T21:16:00.002+07:00

It's freezing cold and there's aint no moon and stars, and the guy staying opposite is playing guitar n sing (sorry to say but it's a contribution to sound pollution). Tat's bad:(...

Anyway Ain and Asiah are here chit-chatting with me:)

inordinary ordinary monday

2009-08-24T15:48:00.003+07:00

Just came back from CiWalk, did some grocery shopping there. Feeling weird for no class on Monday, like sumthing is missing and going wrong, but bcoz of this i get to relax and shop, hiah hiah... Not that crowded as it's Monday, and the new wing with awesome architecture is in a progress to complete, can't wait for it to open:)

Went to see clothes and shoes, but nothing caught my eyes. Too bad. But in another way i saved money. xp For me it's kinda hard 2 get shoes here in Bandung, i don't think there is people with giant feet like mine, and the shoes are not comfy. Aikss...

Tonight gonna have dinner at the guys' place. As usual Eu Joon will be the one cooking. YEAY.

2009-08-22T23:50:00.000+07:00

i'm drunk so i'm happy? hahahaha...

灰色. 蓝色

2009-08-22T13:21:00.003+07:00

你以为你很了解我. 对不起, 你错了. 你认识我到底有多久啊, 那么短时间内你掌握得了我的思绪吗? 你没有. 你没那么超.

原本简单被你复杂化, 钻牛角尖, 给予错误判断注释. 歪理! 我本来在意, 后来想通了, 随你的便, 想想什么就想什么, 想说什么就说什么, 不关我的事. 曾经我以为朋友就是全部, 为他们我赴汤蹈火也在所不惜. 后来才知道错了一半, 不是所有朋友都值得我那么做, 只有一半, 只有真心的那一半.

也许在你那厢, 我是灰色的; 殊不知我这里还有蓝. 我要保卫我的蓝.

Home, class and movies

2009-08-22T12:08:00.002+07:00

Holla, it's been a while since i updated my blog. Anyway i'm back in bandung now, suffering under cold weather. Settled down at new kost which now i called home, n 5 mins ago the speedy guy came to fix my line (for God's sake that's 1 week plus after i moved in). And now i'm successfully on9, yeeeeppieeeee.

Well days hadnt been good, really. Busy unpacking packing unpacking packing for like days, after that most of the time i'll be inside my room, either hibernate or watch movies or play games. Sometimes i don even go out for lunch or dinner or whatever meal. I dont noe if it's the curse of this new comfy room, but nothing manage to draw me out of the room... The world has gone dull to me, i guess. Like i said before, i'm old edy:)

Anyway class has not started officially yet. Met a few lecturers and so on. Duh shud be same old boring stories...

感动

2009-08-14T02:24:00.002+07:00

你说, "老婆啊, 你给我写着'要好好加油'的那张纸, 已经很烂了, 可是我还是放在书包里, 每天带去上学."
你这样告诉我. 或许你没发现, 我低头不语喝着巧克力, 因为哽咽说不出话, 因为眼泪已在打转流下, 因为感动.
三年多的远距离爱情, 我们走得比任何人还艰难, 就因为有你的那一份执着,那一份真诚, 我们才能手牵手一直走下去.
不需要虚伪的华丽, 只要有你每一天的小惊喜, 小感动, 我就心满意足了.
谢谢你, 老公.

Going

2009-08-12T11:10:00.001+07:00

Going back to bandung tmr but i don wanna go back there... don wanna go back there... miserable life gonna start... haih......